"What's with the face?"
"Nothing."
Dia diam sejenak, memandang aku dengan penuh curiga. Aku larikan pandangan ke arah langit malam yang kosong, cuba mengosongkan fikiran aku sama seadanya.
"Fuck you," balas dia, suaranya sedikit ditekan, "tell me."
Aku mengeluh perlahan, menggaru- garu kepala seperti bodoh. Tidak ada perkara yang aku mampu sembunyikan daripada perempuan ini. Sejak dari dahulu lagi.
"I can't believe it."
"What?"
"My first love is getting married."
Aku perasan dia tersentak kecil, bersandar di kerusinya malas- malas, dan seperti aku juga, dia mengeluh.
"You know," aku sambung, "we had a promise. Now that I think back about it, it was stupid for me to agree to her."
"Tell me more."
Sambil dia nyalakan rokok dengan bergaya, aku cuba merungkaikan semua yang ada dalam fikiran aku.
"We agreed, whoever gets to marry first, one of us has to attend the wedding."
"So what is stupid with that? You should be happy for her. Unless..." sambil menghembus asap rokoknya dengan lembut, "you still haven't gotten over her."
"No, it's not like that. I'm totally happy for her. I was the one who called the break up. And we dealt with that pretty good, Even now we're still good friend."
"So," dia kata, "what's bothering you?"
Kali ini, aku menggelengkan kepala sambil mengeluh yang entah apa- apa.
"Seeing her happy is a good thing. But to think that she's finally found her true love, making me miserable. It makes me to see myself back, thoroughly."
"You thought that you can be a better man for her back then," dia mencelah, "is that so?"
Aku tergamam seketika, mendengarkan ayat itu keluar daripada dia, tanpa dia memandang aku; tanpa perasaan. Perempuan ini aku kira gila, kejam, tidak berjiwa, untuk membaca aku begitu mudah, sedikit menyinggung aku.
"We could have it all now, if it wasn't for my mistakes that she left back then."
"Just go," sambil dia habiskan sisa- sisa rokoknya, "it will mean the whole world for her."
"Not in my condition right now."
Dia sentuh bahu aku dengan lemah, menarik nafas panjang dan tersenyum kecil, memandang aku dengan penuh perhatian.
"Dear listen here," dia kata, masih lagi tersenyum simpul, "love doesn't teach you be selfish, instead it teaches you to sacrifice; to learn what love really is. Just go."
No comments:
Post a Comment