despite all these fights, 
im going to love you
even more tomorrow
and every tomorrow

if one day u stop
to love me and leaving
just want u to know that
baby your the best :'-)

there were no storms we could not weather but who are we to actually think everything would go according to long-made plans? that day came and i have stopped loving you and i have left you and this house and everything that were about us. no pictures left untaken, no words left unsaid. but what is more important now is that no pictures and messages left undeleted. not even a single piece. all that is left are the marks you left on my skin and forehead and all these memories in my head that would probably need another 3 years to be erased. with another one and a half year left to be the only reason for me to be here where every single place reminds me of you, it might be hard now to endure but i believe this upcoming one and a half year will be much more better without you.

i would like to thank all of you who actually were happy for me and Iman and prayed the best for us and thought of us once in a while. you know who you are and i am very grateful to have met positive people like all of you despite knowing everything that i have been through. really, i am very thankful being given the chance to know beautiful people like all of you and you guys deserve good things in life. i would like to thank the people who has been objecting this relationship since day one because believe me, know i know what you guys were trying to tell me before. and you guys win.

these past two years and 7 months taught me so many things that i didnt know. some were wonderful experiences while some were so bitter i rather forget. so many things in our bucketlist that havent been done yet and probably never will. with so many plans and hopes and dreams, those would never guarantee it will not end like this. i am glad i know you, and i am happy to loved you. and thank you for loving me (if you actually did) and for everything you have done for me. i always wanted to believe that you and i are soulmates, but maybe it's time to move on and stop dreaming? i forgive everything. and i really want to forget everything too. but if our fate intertwined once again later in the future, what are we going to do?

march has been a very hard month for me. but i hope the upcoming months would be better. this is my last post here. thank you for reading all these times. i hope you all have a long and happy life.

Hanani / Eli Jay
22nd March, 2015
to the point where heartache isnt hurt anymore, i keep on striving and giving my best for this relationship. i wish the pain is inflicted on the physique because scars heal and besides, at least you can see it with your own eyes. but the pain is internal and it's not like you can dig your heart out of your ribs to wind it with bandage and ointment or something. it is so frustrating because the pain is there but you cant do anything about it. you let the pain infested in your heart to the point that i have reached now; that it doesnt feel hurt anymore.

i am quitting from my social networking sites including this one, and probably from my life too. good bye.
all i want right now is either:

i) reborn back to being a baby, or;
ii) being dead
i am missing you so bad. and it is so hard to let go. 

i know you are reading this. dont you miss me badly too? what happened to us?