i was so excited when Kinokuniya texted me and said the book i ordered had arrived. it was Touching From A Distance by Deborah Curtis. i know that book was published like 18 years ago but it's just now that i managed to have it and other books i wanted like recently i got myself another Murakami book after years and David Nicholls's movie-adapted One Day. i dont really put myself as a bibliophile, as i think that words sounds absurd. it's like -- pedophile or something, it's just sound so funny to me. i prefer the word 'avid'. it sounds less obsessive but still, you are like fucking love it and wanted to do it almost all the time.
how the concepts of Adolf Hitler, Ian Curtis, shipwrecks, good books, good drinks, good foods and brilliant songs intrigued me, as far as i knew not all people surround me can cope with that. and the facts that i bear a very low antibody level, low cold temperature tolerance, unpredictable asthma attacks and all my flaws that i carried along faced almost the same fate. not all people can accept that. some think i fake it. some think it's just a sympathy strategy. some think i'm the sick kid. and other way round.
a month ago i was so sure i had this somekind of seizure -- epileptic kind. my body was fucking heavy, like somebody strained my torso, my hands, my legs. and i was practically had this violent shaking, and my eyes rolled upwards involuntarily. i heard the chair beside my bed was like being shake vigorously like someone was doing it but there's no one in the room. it's a bit creepy but i choose to believe a more scientific explanation so i googled. but Iman convinced me i was just so tired and even if that was a seizure, it's just an one-off experience. yet i still think that was a seizure, or maybe i was experiencing a half-way lucid dream. the experience left me many rooms of questions. was it a paranormal experience? was it an epileptic seizure? am i epileptic? will it happen again? should i see a doctor? will the doctor be able to tell what's the reason for that? and so on. that experience will never leave my mind.
yesterday when Iman and i went to KLCC to fetch the book, we were arguing and both of us gave each other the cold treatment. both of us are very egoistic and to both of our surprise, we gave that ego treatment to each of us. then i think instead of going home how about get something to drink an eat and lepak at the garden, because we usually did that if we go to KLCC. we always do. and we have an intimate heart to heart conversation at first, to a very long and meaningful conversation afterwards. he said he was sorry if he was being too astonished when he talked about music (we talked about Joy Division too of course) but i think he is brilliant. he is weird but he was not supposed to say he was sorry because sorry is for when you did something wrong and if there's someone dies - in which none of these happened.
it's amazing how at one time you were at your lowest point and now you are at your peak. how a person can changed that so fast you felt like you have the world in your hands. amazing how you used to have suicidal thoughts but now you really want to have a long happy life with that person that changes everything.
i was happy. but now i am happy.
how the concepts of Adolf Hitler, Ian Curtis, shipwrecks, good books, good drinks, good foods and brilliant songs intrigued me, as far as i knew not all people surround me can cope with that. and the facts that i bear a very low antibody level, low cold temperature tolerance, unpredictable asthma attacks and all my flaws that i carried along faced almost the same fate. not all people can accept that. some think i fake it. some think it's just a sympathy strategy. some think i'm the sick kid. and other way round.
a month ago i was so sure i had this somekind of seizure -- epileptic kind. my body was fucking heavy, like somebody strained my torso, my hands, my legs. and i was practically had this violent shaking, and my eyes rolled upwards involuntarily. i heard the chair beside my bed was like being shake vigorously like someone was doing it but there's no one in the room. it's a bit creepy but i choose to believe a more scientific explanation so i googled. but Iman convinced me i was just so tired and even if that was a seizure, it's just an one-off experience. yet i still think that was a seizure, or maybe i was experiencing a half-way lucid dream. the experience left me many rooms of questions. was it a paranormal experience? was it an epileptic seizure? am i epileptic? will it happen again? should i see a doctor? will the doctor be able to tell what's the reason for that? and so on. that experience will never leave my mind.
yesterday when Iman and i went to KLCC to fetch the book, we were arguing and both of us gave each other the cold treatment. both of us are very egoistic and to both of our surprise, we gave that ego treatment to each of us. then i think instead of going home how about get something to drink an eat and lepak at the garden, because we usually did that if we go to KLCC. we always do. and we have an intimate heart to heart conversation at first, to a very long and meaningful conversation afterwards. he said he was sorry if he was being too astonished when he talked about music (we talked about Joy Division too of course) but i think he is brilliant. he is weird but he was not supposed to say he was sorry because sorry is for when you did something wrong and if there's someone dies - in which none of these happened.
it's amazing how at one time you were at your lowest point and now you are at your peak. how a person can changed that so fast you felt like you have the world in your hands. amazing how you used to have suicidal thoughts but now you really want to have a long happy life with that person that changes everything.
i was happy. but now i am happy.
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